She stands on shaky feet
Swaying with the beat,
of the fast paced music beneath
Hands outstretched
To stop her fall
She begins to wonder about it all
If she had of changed some things,
would this time be different?
Would it all go away?
She doesn't think so,
but the agony of not knowing is to much,
that slight little maybe is killing her
Almost face first on the ground now
She feels an arm around her waist
Lifting, pulling her up
Warmth envelops her
The scent of male and sex
Rise up to her
She leans back into him
Her head resting on his shoulder
His arm around her waist stays,
tightening and drawing her closer
He bends to whisper in her ear
Everything she has ever wanted to hear
A soft smile plays on her lips
As she whispers back
Everything he wants to hear
Lips meet
Tongues twine
Breathing grows hard
Hearts beat unevenly
She's at home,
in his arms,
he's at home,
with her.
It's all either could ever ask for.
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4 comments:
I like how you use descriptions. It is very light and fast and enables me to use my imagination.
I think I would enjoy it more as prose. I found the stiletto rhythm and the rhyming more distracting from than supporting of the central theme. Have you thought about writing a chapter or short story like this?
I liked it, but I found some grammatical errors. I'm rather big on grammar. Otherwise, it's a good poem. :)
I do agree with the previous poem; I like some of the rhymes but sometimes I feel they were somewhat forced.
Definitely better than what I wrote at age fourteen, though! :P
Thank you guys very much for the advice/comments. :)
Billy: I noticed the grammar errors after I posted it and then I couldn't-sadly-figure out how to go back and edit it.
The cup is half full...:I will take into advice what you said, and actually yes I have thought of doing a short story for something like this and am actually currently working on one, but I feel when I do it is lacking in something that I can't quite put my finger on.
I really like this poem, like a lot. Something about the words you used, i don't know haha. I just really liked it.
keep them up :]
K
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